How Do You Keep Going After Loss, Illness, and Heartbreak? With Julie Barth
Trying to live your best life isn’t about chasing perfection or checking boxes-it’s about finding peace, meaning, and connection even when life throws you off course. As parents, we often imagine a future full of laughter, milestones, and togetherness. But what happens when reality looks nothing like the dream? How do we keep moving forward when we’re carrying grief, stress, or the invisible wounds of emotional pain? Today, I want to share a story that’s not just about surviving, but about truly living again-about reclaiming fulfillment for yourself and your family, even after the hardest seasons.
I’m Kendra Nielson, and in this episode of Fulfillment Therapy, I had the privilege of talking with Julie Barth-a mother of six, trauma survivor, and founder of the Colin James Barth Outreach. Julie’s story is raw, honest, and deeply relatable for anyone who’s ever felt lost, overwhelmed, or stuck in survival mode. Through her journey, we explore what it really means to heal, to find hope, and to create a life-and a family-rooted in wellness and purpose.
The Unexpected Turns: When Life Doesn’t Go as Planned
Julie’s life began much like many of ours: with dreams of a happy family and a future built with love. She met her first husband, Colin, as a child. Their story was one of reconnection, building a home together, and welcoming children into their lives. But early on, Julie faced challenges that would test any parent’s strength.
After two miscarriages, Julie learned she was pregnant again, but her daughter’s growth was not progressing as expected. For months, she endured uncertainty and fear, with doctors unable to give clear answers. Eventually, her daughter Tatum was diagnosed with primordial dwarfism-a rare condition that meant she would remain physically tiny, even into adulthood.
Julie describes those early years as a “rollercoaster ride,” filled with hospital visits, unanswered questions, and the constant pressure to hold her family together. “There was just no information,” she recalls. “So they kept saying, ‘She’s going to be small. She’s sick. We don’t know what’s wrong.’ But all the ultrasounds... they could never show me that anything was wrong. She was small. There was no denying that. But she didn’t have any markers. And so I just had to continue on blind faith that this was going to be okay.”
Through it all, Julie learned to prioritize what really mattered.
"You learn to not take everything so seriously,"
she says. “When my children would get a C, I’d be like, ‘Who cares at this point? I’ve got so many other things to worry about.’”
Grief, Loss, and the Weight of Caregiving
Just as life seemed to settle, Julie’s husband Colin began to show signs of illness. After months of uncertainty, he was diagnosed with stage-four pancreatic cancer at just 34 years old. Doctors gave him two weeks to live, but through sheer determination and love, Julie and Colin fought for more time-ultimately getting 16 months together before his passing.
Losing a spouse so young, with four children at home, was devastating. Julie describes entering a kind of autopilot: “You just do. You’ve got children who are looking to you. As much as you probably would rather just go to bed, put the covers up over your head, you have these children that are looking to you to make things okay.”
But surviving isn’t the same as healing. For years, Julie focused on getting through each day, pushing her own pain aside.
"I think I lived many years in that automatic shock of just, 'It's okay. It's okay,'"
she says. “Which served me really well to get through it. But at a certain point, it did me a disservice because I just never stopped to unpack anything.”
The Hidden Wounds: Emotional Abuse and Self-Blame
Seeking a fresh start, Julie entered a second marriage-but instead of healing, she found herself in a decade-long relationship marked by emotional and financial abuse. Isolated from her support system, she began to believe the negative things her partner said about her. “It was almost like I felt like I needed to be punished because I wasn’t a good person from all the things that I was suffering in survivor’s guilt and losing Colin,” she shares.
Gaslighting and manipulation took a toll.
"When somebody tells you you're crazy enough or that you're bad, you start to believe it,"
Julie explains. “And I was crazy, I’m not going to lie, for many years just trying to figure out who is this person that’s angry all the time and yelling and chasing and crying.”
The turning point came when Julie realized the impact the situation was having on her children. “My third child finally sat me down one day and said, ‘Mom, I don’t understand why you keep going back to him. I didn’t even have a childhood. I was so afraid of him that I slept with a knife under my bed from the age of six.’ It was a tough, hard look in the mirror to recognize that I didn’t protect them the way that I should.”
The Path to Healing: Small Steps, Big Changes
Healing didn’t happen overnight. Julie emphasizes that real change started with small, daily actions. “I decided a long time ago... you can really only focus your energies on the things that you can control,” she says. “It’s easy to get caught up in, ‘Oh my gosh, I’m going to lose everything.’ But I just find that if I sit down and say, ‘Okay, what can I do today?’ Even if it doesn’t make anything better, it won’t make anything worse.”
One of the most powerful lessons Julie shares is this:
"It takes so much more energy to not acknowledge something or ignore it than it does to just confront it, figure it out, and get past it."
This insight is echoed by mental health professionals. As Brené Brown, a renowned researcher on vulnerability and resilience, once said:
“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.”
Julie’s journey is proof that facing your pain, rather than running from it, is the first step toward real fulfillment.
Rebuilding: Purpose, Passion, and Helping Others
With time, therapy, and the support of her children, Julie began to reclaim her life. She fulfilled a promise to her late husband by turning her family’s pain into purpose. Her daughter Tatum, despite her physical challenges, became a self-taught artist, and together they began selling her art to raise funds for their new nonprofit, the Colin James Barth Outreach.
Julie’s mission is clear: to help women-led households find stability before they hit rock bottom. “When you get divorced, the average woman’s life situation goes down 44%. The average man’s goes down 10%,” she explains. “If we can stop the bleed by helping them to find gainful employment, to build where they’re at, instead of letting them get to a point where they’re homeless... it makes so much more sense in keeping these families secure than letting them fall all the way down and then saying, ‘Okay, now that you have nothing, come to us.’”
Her story is a reminder that fulfillment isn’t just about personal happiness-it’s about lifting others up, too. As Maya Angelou famously said,
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
What Fulfillment Really Means: Lessons for Parents and Families
Julie’s experience offers powerful takeaways for any parent seeking more fulfillment and better mental health for themselves and their families:
Prioritize Presence Over Perfection
Let go of the idea that you need to fix everything or be everything for everyone. Sometimes, just being present and loving is enough.Acknowledge Your Pain
Avoiding your struggles only makes them heavier. Facing them, even in small ways, can lighten the load and open the door to healing.Take Small Steps Forward
You don’t have to change everything overnight. Focus on what you can do today, no matter how small. As Julie puts it, “Make your bed in the morning if that just feels accomplished in one thing.”Seek Support Without Shame
Whether it’s therapy, community, or organizations like the Colin James Barth Outreach, reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.Redefine Success and Fulfillment
True fulfillment isn’t about having a perfect life-it’s about finding peace, purpose, and connection, even in the face of hardship.Model Resilience for Your Children
Your kids don’t need a perfect parent. They need to see you keep going, keep loving, and keep trying, even when things are hard.
As Julie reflects,
“I wake up every day feeling blessed. My children are great human beings. They’re happy, they’re well adjusted. And I can say when I was so stuck in the fog, it robbed me of my joy and it also robbed me of being the mom that I should have been. But today that energy is being used in so many better ways.”
Finding Your Own Fulfillment: Moving Forward, Together
If you’re reading this and feeling overwhelmed by your own challenges-whether it’s grief, parenting a child with special needs, or recovering from an unhealthy relationship-know that you are not alone. Healing is possible, and fulfillment is within reach, even if it takes time and courage to get there.
Julie’s story reminds us that the path to a more fulfilling life isn’t about erasing the hard parts-it’s about finding meaning in them, and using what you’ve learned to build something beautiful. As Viktor Frankl, psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, wrote:
"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves."
You don’t have to wait for life to be perfect to start living fully. Start with what you can control. Take one small step today. Reach out for help if you need it. And remember: sometimes, the greatest fulfillment comes not from what we achieve, but from who we become-and how we help others along the way.
So, as you move forward, ask yourself: What can I do today that will bring a little more peace, purpose, or connection to my life and my family? The answer doesn’t have to be big. It just has to be yours.
Here’s to finding fulfillment-not just for ourselves, but for the ones we love most.
Kendra Nielson
Join us on Fulfillment Therapy, where you'll find healing, wellness, and the tools needed to live a life you can't wait to wake up to. Together, we can create positive ripples of change and help others ignite their lives with lasting joy and fulfillment.
Thanks for reading and listening and shine boldly and brightly, my friends!
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