By now you’ve probably read plenty of advice about “living your best life.” But if you’re anything like me (and most of my clients), trying to live your best life often ends up looking like this: you push harder, say yes more often, take on one more responsibility for the kids or your community… and then wonder why you’re lying awake at night feeling resentful, disconnected, or spiritually flat. You’re doing all the “right” things on paper, but something in you still feels empty, restless, or like you’ve quietly disappeared from your own life.

In this conversation with licensed psychotherapist and author Faith Freed, we explored what it really means to live more soulfully as a parent—without abandoning your values, your faith, or your family. We talked about people pleasing, perfectionism, spiritual wounds, nature, DIY spirituality, and why saying no can be “an act of love,” especially for exhausted parents who are craving more peace, presence, and meaning. My hope is that as you read, you’ll not just collect more ideas—but actually feel permission to listen to your own soul and design a life and spiritual practice that fits the real you and your real family, right here and now.

When “being a good parent” becomes losing yourself

So many parents I work with start from a beautiful place: they genuinely want to love their families well, live out their faith or values, and give their children a strong foundation. But somewhere along the way, “being a good parent” shifts from a grounded intention into an impossible standard we can never fully meet. We begin to measure our worth by how much we do, how little we complain, and how seamlessly we can hold it all together.

Faith described it this way: “People pleasing is a tricky thing. We’re raised to do that… to make everybody happy and go along, get along and fit in to conform, and to an extent that is just part of being in a tribe and being in a community.” In other words, wanting to belong and to care for others is very human. The problem is when that caring morphs into a lifestyle where you chronically override your own body, needs, and inner truth just to keep the peace.​

In my practice, I often see this in parents who come from strong faith backgrounds. One client shared that if she didn’t pray a certain way, serve a certain way, or hit every “good Christian” checkbox, she felt like she wasn’t worthy of love—almost like a modern-day Pharisee mindset turned against herself. Instead of faith being a place of refuge, it became another scoreboard where she was constantly falling short.​ It’s no wonder so many parents end up burnt out, anxious, and resentful, even while they’re trying so hard to do everything “right” for their families and their spiritual life.

Why people pleasing and perfectionism drain your mental health

People pleasing and perfectionism can look noble on the outside: you’re dependable, responsible, and always there for everyone. Inside, however, it can feel like you’re slowly disappearing. You push through exhaustion, ignore the tightness in your chest, override the voice in your gut that whispers “This isn’t working,” and then wonder why you’re so irritable, numb, or ready to explode over something small.​

Faith gently named the cost: “You don’t wanna over give—that just leads to resentment. So too much giving isn’t good either. It’s give to others, give to yourself.” That resentment isn’t proof that you’re selfish or ungrateful; it’s a signal that a core need has been ignored for too long.​

Psychologist Brené Brown puts it bluntly: “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” When we refuse to set boundaries as parents, we don’t magically create more love—we create more quiet bitterness, emotional disconnection, and mental health symptoms that eventually leak into our marriage, our parenting, and our spiritual life.

As a therapist, I see chronic people pleasing and perfectionism linked with:

• Anxiety and racing thoughts

• Irritability and low frustration tolerance

• Emotional numbness or feeling “checked out”

• Sleep problems and chronic fatigue

• Spiritual confusion, guilt, and shame

When your whole identity rests on being the “good” one—good mom, good dad, good spouse, good believer—you may feel you can never truly rest, never say no, and never let yourself just be human. That constant self-monitoring is exhausting for your nervous system and destructive to your mental health.

Never lose track of yourself (even while you love your people)

One of my favorite lines from our conversation was this: “Do your pleasing if you must, but never lose track of yourself even as you are complying and dutiful.” That phrase—never lose track of yourself—has stayed with me.​

It doesn’t mean you stop caring about your partner, your kids, your community, or your faith. It means you recognize that who you are—your body, your emotions, your inner experience, your relationship with God—is not a disposable resource that exists only to keep other people comfortable. You matter too, not just as a parent or spouse, but as a person.​

For many of us, especially if we were raised in homes where our needs were minimized or where spirituality came with heavy doses of fear or obligation, “not losing track of ourselves” can feel both liberating and terrifying. It may stir up questions like:

• Am I allowed to slow down?

• Is it selfish to say no?

• What if I disappoint people I love?

• What if my spiritual life looks different than the people around me?

These questions are uncomfortable—but they’re often signs that you’re waking up to your own inner compass, rather than just outsourcing your life to external expectations.​

As Faith reminded us, “If you can retreat and take some time to tend your inner garden, give to yourself, give to your soul… that’s when you can get in touch with your inner experience… there’s a compass in there.” That inner compass is critical for fulfillment, mental health, and parenting from a grounded place instead of from pressure and fear.​​

Nature, movement, and the soul’s deep exhale

One of the most powerful themes that came up in our conversation was how nature acts as a portal to the divine and a balm for an overwhelmed nervous system. It might sound simple, but consistently stepping outside—even briefly—can become a spiritual and mental health practice for parents.

Faith shared that across clients with many different belief systems, nature tends to be the common spiritual denominator. She said, “There’s something about nature that I think is our best portal to the divine… the magic and the mystery and the awe-inspiring nature of it, or the complexity of just one tomato or a little bug that is so beyond what we can conceive of.” Experiencing that mystery reminds us there is something bigger than our to-do lists, our failures, and our current season of stress.​

She also offered a beautiful metaphor: watching waterfalls in places like Iceland and Yosemite. The dramatic drop of the water—the part that catches our eye—reminded her of our struggles in human life. Yet when the water lands, it reintegrates on a different plane and “everything is well again.” Our hardest seasons can feel chaotic and terrifying mid-fall, but they may be ushering us into a new way of being we cannot see yet.​

From a mental health perspective, nature and movement combine to create a powerful regulation tool. As Faith explained, a simple hike (or even a walk outside) becomes a multi-sensory experience: the air on your skin, the smell of trees or rain, the rhythm of your feet moving right-left, right-left. For therapists, that bilateral stimulation is similar to what we use in some trauma treatments—it can calm the mind, help you process emotions, and bring you back into the present moment.

For parents, this might look like:

• A slow walk around the block after dinner while the kids bike ahead

• Stepping onto the porch with your coffee for two minutes of quiet before anyone wakes up

• Driving to a nearby trail or park once a week and letting yourself be there without multitasking

As I shared in the episode, I’ve long been fascinated by the combination of nature, connection, and movement and how it “can really more than almost anything else create a sense of peace and calm and fulfillment.” You don’t have to live beside waterfalls to benefit; even a small, consistent practice of getting outside and into your body can soften anxiety, depression, and parental burnout.​

DIY spirituality: building your own “playlist”

Many parents feel stuck between two extremes: rigid spiritual expectations on one side and a kind of disconnected, spiritually numb life on the other. They may love aspects of their faith tradition but feel hurt by certain teachings, overwhelmed by rules, or unsure what they actually believe now that they’re adults with their own stories.

Faith uses the term “spiritual eclectic” to describe people who draw from different traditions and practices in a way that genuinely resonates with their inner truth. She grew up with one parent who was atheist and one who was Christian, which gave her permission early on to ask questions, explore, and notice what really “lit up” her spirit. Over time, she realized “I decided to make what rings true to me be the measure of what I keep in my spiritual soup.”​

In her upcoming book DIY Spirituality: Chart Your Own Sacred Path, she encourages people to create a spiritual “playlist” instead of feeling forced to follow one rigid recipe. That playlist might include:

• Scripture or sacred texts

• Prayer or contemplative silence

• Meditation, yoga, or breathwork

• Music that moves you (worship, hymns, or other soul-stirring songs)

• Nature, movement, and mindful walks

• Journaling, reflection, or gratitude practices

What matters most is not how you connect, but that you connect—and that your practices actually feel “soothing to your soul” instead of like another obligation. As she put it, “You can have DIY spirituality without needing to define it for anyone else or defend it. And really sometimes these things that are so sacred to us are better left unsaid.”

For many of my clients, this DIY approach is especially healing when they’ve experienced spiritual wounds. It gives them permission to honor what was good, gently question what was harmful, and craft something more aligned with their current season, nervous system, and family life.

Listening to your body and inner truth

A thread running through our conversation was the importance of listening to your body and inner experience when it comes to spirituality, mental health, and fulfillment. In the episode I shared how, even within my own Christian tradition, I used to focus heavily on what my spiritual life “needed” to look like—what others were doing, what I thought I should do to be a “good” believer. As I’ve aged, that’s shifted more toward asking, “What’s soothing to my soul?”

Faith described experiences like singing in a church choir where her whole body felt lit up, “like a light bubbling up from within.” Those moments are important data points. Instead of overthinking everything, she encourages noticing where your body and spirit say “yes”—where you feel alive, peaceful, connected, grounded. Those are clues for what belongs on your spiritual playlist.

This inner listening doesn’t mean you ignore wisdom, community, or spiritual guidance. It means you stop treating your body and emotions as unreliable enemies and start honoring them as God-given indicators that something is resonating—or not.

For parents, this might look like:

• Noticing the tightness in your chest when you say yes to another commitment and gently exploring that

• Paying attention to the warmth and ease you feel when you walk in nature, sing, or sit quietly

• Recognizing that chronic dread or resentment around certain “spiritual” activities might be asking for an honest conversation with yourself, a mentor, or a therapist

As Faith reminded us, “We know on a deep level what resonates with our inner truth… it is an inner check.” Learning to trust that check is part of healing perfectionism, religious shame, and chronic self-doubt.​

When spirituality feels triggering or taboo

We also named how complicated and loaded spirituality can feel, especially for people who have experienced spiritual abuse, rigid dogma, or shaming messages about their worth. Many clients are curious about reconnecting with God or a higher power but feel anxious, confused, or guilty even thinking about it.

Faith acknowledged that this is “a necessary, really foundational part of our life, and yet it’s a contentious thing at times,” especially when people can’t hold space for different paths or when spirituality is presented as “my way or the highway.” That rigidity can make the topic feel dangerous instead of healing.​

In both therapy and spiritual guidance, the goal is never to impose an agenda, but to create a safe, reverent space where your relationship with the divine can be explored at your pace. Sometimes that involves silence, sometimes sharing stories, sometimes gentle questions about what you actually believe now—not just what you were told you had to believe.

If you’ve had a parent who was extreme in their beliefs or a parent who shamed any spiritual interest at all, it makes sense that you might feel torn. You may want to reconnect with God or spirituality but feel afraid of repeating old patterns. Faith’s invitation here is simple but powerful: “I think the first thing is to give yourself permission. At some level it’s nobody else’s business.”

You are allowed to:

• Question

• Experiment

• Take it slowly

• Set boundaries

• Keep what is life-giving and set down what harms your mental health and relationship with God

Your soul does not heal through force; it heals through honest attention, compassion, and space.

Saying no as an act of love

One of the most practical and freeing ideas we touched on is that saying no can be “an act of love.” In the rush of family life, it’s easy to buy into a workhorse mentality—more volunteering, more activities, more responsibilities, more spiritual “shoulds”—even as your health, relationships, and emotional stability quietly suffer.​

Faith shared how, in a particularly busy season of launching her book while remodeling and moving out of her office, she had to intentionally step back. She started rescheduling things, taking items off her calendar, and deliberately choosing time with friends and soul-filling activities over constant productivity. “For me it is… an act of love,” she said, “because it’s really hard for me to be my best self… if I’m depleted and distracted.”​

I resonated deeply with that and shared a practical strategy I use: I stick to a personal planner so I can say, “I’ll get back to you,” instead of giving an automatic yes. That little pause gives my nervous system time to check in: Do I really want to say yes to this? What will I be saying no to if I agree? Over time, this practice has helped me simplify, shed commitments that don’t align with my values, and create more mental and spiritual space for what matters most.​

For parents, especially those with perfectionistic or people pleasing tendencies, it can help to reframe no as:

• A way of protecting your mental health and your family’s emotional climate

• A spiritual practice of trusting that you don’t have to earn your worth

• A statement of respect for your limited time, energy, and nervous system

As psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl wrote, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.” Creating that small space—through planners, pauses, prayer, or reflection—can radically change the trajectory of your day, your parenting, and your spiritual life.

A more soulful, human version of your “best life”

At the start of this post, I named a tension many of us live in: we’re trying so hard to live our “best life,” but the way we pursue it often leaves us exhausted, ashamed, or spiritually flat. We chase idealized versions of parenting, faith, productivity, and self-improvement instead of asking what actually leads to mental health, emotional stability, and a felt sense of connection with God and our families.

What if your best life isn’t about doing more or meeting every external expectation, but about:

• Refusing to lose track of yourself while you love your people

• Letting nature, movement, and simple moments be sacred, not “extra”

• Creating a DIY spiritual playlist that actually soothes your soul

• Listening to your body’s signals as valid spiritual and emotional data

• Allowing “no” to become an act of love, not a failure

For me, and for many parents I work with, this gentler, more honest approach has felt far more sustainable and spiritually alive than any rigid formula. It doesn’t mean you won’t have hard seasons, doubts, or days when you want to hide with your favorite show and a bar of chocolate. It does mean you don’t have to abandon yourself—or your relationship with God—in the process of trying to be everything for everyone.

If something in this conversation with Faith sparked a longing in you—for more peace, more presence, more authenticity in your parenting and spiritual life—I’d love to walk alongside you. You can learn more about individual coaching, internships, and upcoming events at fulfillmenttherapy.org, or connect with our community on Facebook and Instagram @fulfillmenttherapy.

You don’t have to earn a place in your own life. You’re allowed to build a version of “living your best life” that includes rest, boundaries, messy humanity, and a spiritual path that genuinely fits your soul—and in doing so, you’ll have more calm, compassion, and joy to offer the people you love most.

If Faith's story resonated with you and you're ready to start deepening your faith while still showing up for your family, I'd love to support you. Visit fulfillmenttherapy.org to explore resources, join our community, or reach out at hello@fulfillmenttherapy.org. You can also find us on Facebook and Instagram @fulfillmenttherapy. This is your space to heal, grow, and flourish—and you don't have to do it alone.

*Listen to our podcast episodes 324 and 325/ What If Your Spiritual Life Didn’t Have to Look “Perfect”? with Faith Freed

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