Is Your Spouse or Child Really Lazy—Or Struggling with Undiagnosed ADHD? with Dr. Jennifer Dall Guest
Life as a parent can feel like a nonstop guessing game—trying to figure out why your child (or even your spouse) can’t seem to stay focused, get things done, or keep up with the pace of family life. You try to stay patient, but under the surface, you can’t help wondering: Is this laziness… or could something deeper be going on?
In our first Fulfillment Therapy episode of 2026, I had an incredible conversation with Dr. Jennifer Dall, a Grief-Informed Neurodivergence Specialist and founder of ADHD Holistically. She shared her personal journey of discovering her own ADHD later in life and the powerful lessons it taught her about family wellness, compassion, and self-acceptance.
This episode isn’t just about ADHD—it’s about understanding yourself and your loved ones in a new light. Dr. Dall offers practical, holistic tools for navigating the overwhelm that often comes with parenting, partnering, and living in a neurodiverse world.
So grab your favorite cozy drink and settle in as we unpack the truth behind “laziness,” the emotional rollercoaster of ADHD, and how self-awareness can transform your family’s connection, peace, and fulfillment in the year ahead.
Finding Answers in Everyday Overwhelm
If you’re exhausted and overwhelmed—wondering if parenting, work, and life were supposed to feel simpler by now—you’re incredibly normal. Maybe you scroll through social media searching for answers, commiserate with friends over coffee, or hope your child’s “chaos” will magically clear up as they grow. In today's episode, I sat down with Dr. Jennifer Dall, a Grief-Informed Neurodivergence Specialist and founder of ADHD Holistically, to talk about the reality behind the symptoms and the stigma.
After years in education, Dr. Dall discovered her own ADHD later in life—challenging every stereotype and “rule” she’d ever encountered as an educator, parent, and coach. Our conversation wasn’t just about diagnosis; it was about meaning, self-advocacy, and finding fulfillment despite (or because of) ADHD’s quirks.
"Even as a teacher and a mom, I kept wondering - can I really have ADHD? Everyone said no, but the more I learned, the more I realized how much I'd been masking and how deeply it shaped my life." - Dr. Jennifer Dall
The Hidden Complexity of Adult ADHD
ADHD isn’t always the loud, bouncing-off-the-walls behavior we expect in children. For women and especially mothers, symptoms can be subtle and internal—a racing mind, relentless ideas, emotional ups and downs, struggles with organization. “I know how to be a teacher, a graduate student, a mom. I knew how to ‘mask’ and perform,” Dr. Dall reflected. “But it was exhausting.”
Research shows many adults and parents hit walls of overwhelm, self-doubt, and burnout, only to be told they’re anxious, depressed, or simply ‘not trying hard enough.’ But the reality is richer—and more hopeful. ADHD, depression, and anxiety can overlap, but recognizing neurodivergence opens doors for compassion, grace, and new strategies.
As Maya Angelou once said:
"Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better."
The Hereditary Piece: When Your Child Is Diagnosed, You Might See Yourself
For many parents, the journey to an ADHD diagnosis starts with their children. Teachers, counselors, and assessment teams notice attention and focus challenges in kids—leading parents to answer questionnaires that suddenly reveal, “Wait, this fits me too.” There’s a strong hereditary component; if your child has ADHD, odds are someone else in the family does as well.
But getting assessed can be tricky. The questions lean hard into childhood symptoms, leaving adults confused or overwhelmed as they search for old report cards or try to remember fourth-grade behavior. Still, Dr. Dall advises persistence and self-examination:
"Start with learning. Really look inside: What's truly impacting you? Why do you think this is a possibility for yourself?" -Dr. Jennifer Dall
Emotional Dysregulation and Organization: More Than Forgetfulness
Many parents—and especially moms—face waves of emotional intensity, forgetfulness, and struggles with daily structure. This often gets dismissed as “normal” parenting fatigue. But emotional dysregulation is a core ADHD trait. Dr. Dall recounted, “My mind felt hyperactive, but it was happening inside—not visible to anyone else. Getting things done felt draining, and daily survival took every ounce of energy.”
When organization feels impossible and motivation vanishes, it’s easy to be hard on yourself or your kids. But understanding ADHD reframes the narrative: it’s not laziness—it’s a mismatch between capacity and demands, often requiring creative support.
As Dr. Ned Hallowell, renowned psychiatrist and ADHD expert, puts it:
"ADHD is not a disorder of not knowing what to do. It's a disorder of not doing what you know."
Grace, Self-Compassion, and Letting Go of Perfection
An essential message from Dr. Dall is that many women with ADHD have spent years blaming themselves—believing they’re not “enough,” feeling guilt and shame for not keeping up. The answer isn’t fixing everything, but experimenting, setting boundaries, and finding grace. Letting go of tasks and asking for help becomes self-compassion in action.
Dr. Dall shares, “Permission and grace—realizing you don’t have to do everything—change everything. Learning to identify what matters most and letting yourself off the hook for the rest is part of healing.”
If you’re supporting a loved one with ADHD, validation and understanding go a long way. Instead of calling out “laziness,” try asking compassionate questions, listening to their story, and helping realign chores or routines based on interests and capabilities. Sometimes, one simple accommodation—like reminders via text or negotiating household responsibilities—brings tremendous relief.
Parenting a Teen with ADHD: Real Struggles, Real Solutions
This hits home for many parents—especially as kids transition into adulthood. Taking big exams, managing college applications, packing up for dorm life? For a neurodivergent teen, every big task can feel like torture. As one parent shared in our discussion, “My daughter said it’s so painful to get started, like something almost nobody else understands. Once she starts, she does okay, but getting there is practically impossible.”
For parents, the temptation to compare children or assume “it’s just an excuse” can be strong. Instead, try empathetic listening, gentle reminders, and open conversations about what actually helps versus what feels overwhelming. Recognize that emotional and developmental growth may lag behind chronological age—teens with ADHD can be several years “behind” in some areas and ahead in others.
Dr. Dall recommends experimentation:
"Try an approach for a day, a week, a month - see what works. It's not about perfect fixes but about reducing shame and exploring what helps."
The Power of Experimentation: Pomodoro Technique, Safety Nets, and Self-Advocacy
Starting tasks is often the biggest hurdle. Strategies from ADHD communities—Pomodoro timers (work for 20 minutes, break for five), self-devised rewards, and environmental changes—can make all the difference. Teenagers benefit from a “safety net,” a supportive presence for honest feedback, encouragement, and flexibility as they navigate hormonal, academic, and social shifts.
Dr. Dall’s advice is practical: “Tell your child that some days, just getting started for five minutes is a win. Celebrate tiny victories, and look for services and accommodations at school that really fit—not what worked for someone else, necessarily, but what works for them.”
Invisible Challenges: Advocacy, Masking, and Frustration
Neurodivergence, especially ADHD, can be an “invisible” struggle. Parents and spouses sometimes experience a mismatch—one person’s scattered thoughts meeting another’s need for focus and order. A big part of family wellness is learning to communicate openly about needs, frustrations, and misunderstandings.
“Just remember—when I forget something or seem scattered, it’s not intentional. It’s not that I’m blowing you off; it’s just my challenge,” Dr. Dall shared, echoing what many couples and families need to hear. These gentle reminders transform anger and resentment into empathy and connection.
Meaningful Accommodations: You Don’t Need the Whole List
Whether you’re seeking a formal diagnosis or simply want to improve well-being, focus first on what’s creating the most stress or disruption. Maybe it’s the household chores that never get done, missed appointments, or emotional outbursts. Rather than striving for an exhaustive list of accommodations, start small: what will make the biggest difference right now? Sometimes it’s just one thing.
Famous psychologist Carl Rogers said,
"The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change."
Self-acceptance plus targeted experimentation is a powerful combo for parents, children, and partners alike.
Grief, Change, and New Beginnings
For Dr. Dall, leaving her structured teaching career was a turning point after her husband’s passing. “Schools run on bells and calendars,” she recalled. “Suddenly, everything was up to me, and it took years to figure out how to manage each day and feel good about it.” As parents, transitions—loss, major life changes, children leaving home—expose our need for new routines and self-compassion. Visible or invisible, neurodivergence and grief often walk hand in hand.
Resources to Support Your Family’s Journey
There’s no shortage of books, podcasts, and supportive communities for mental health and ADHD. Dr. Dall recommends Sari Solden’s books for women and adults with ADHD, as well as the “Climbing the Walls” podcast by Understood.com. Seek out honest, relatable voices that reflect your experience—sometimes, hearing someone speak your story is transformative.
For services and strategies, check your child’s university or school—they often have accommodations you might not know about. Don’t be afraid to consult with therapists, counselors, and support groups who understand the complexities of ADHD in families.
Embracing Fulfillment Through Neurodivergence
Ultimately, mental health and family fulfillment is not about erasing struggles but reimagining them. Finding meaning in the mess, learning through trial and error, and practicing grace with yourself and those you love ensures a richer, more resilient life.
The path to peace isn’t paved with perfection. It’s found in small victories, honest conversations, and the courage to keep learning. ADHD and neurodivergence can be opportunities—not obstacles—when we approach them with self-compassion, advocacy, and curiosity.
"Listening to yourself, learning, and finding people you trust - who really care about you and can acceot your uniquie journey - is at the heart of healing and fulfillment." -Dr. Jennifer Dall
Conclusion: Rainstorms, Sunlight, and Growing Together
So here we are, walking that path—sometimes through storms, sometimes in brilliant sunshine. Our families, mental health, and wellness are shaped not by perfect schedules or orderly to-do lists, but by our willingness to question, experiment, and adapt.
If you’re a parent feeling lost, exhausted, or simply yearning for more fulfillment, remember: you’re not alone. The invisible battles matter just as much as the visible ones, and every step you take toward understanding yourself, your child, or your partner adds up to a life with more meaning.
As always, I’m here with you. Reach out at hello@fulfillmenttherapy.org, join our community on Facebook and Instagram @fulfillmenttherapy, and visit fulfillmenttherapy.org for resources, courses, and support. Whether you’re navigating ADHD, mental health, or the everyday puzzle of family life, there’s hope—and a way forward.
Let’s keep chasing that sunlight together.
Join us on Fulfillment Therapy, where you'll find healing, wellness, and the tools needed to live a life you can't wait to wake up to. Together, we can create positive ripples of change and help others ignite their lives with lasting joy and fulfillment.
Thanks for reading and listening, and shine boldly and brightly, my friends!
Connect with Kendra:🤗
ALL LINKS → https://linktr.ee/fulfillmenttherapy
Website → https://fulfillmenttherapy.org
Contact → hello@fulfillmenttherapy.org
Instagram → @fulfillmenttherapy
Facebook Community → http://bit.ly/fulfillmenttherapy
Facebook Group → Private FB Group
Schedule 1:1 Coaching → https://fulfillmenttherapy.org/1-on-1-coaching
Chat → 1-986-910-5172 *text questions & topic requests
Phone
(986) 910-5172
