Can Healing Attachment Really Transform Your Parenting and Marriage? with Jessica Baum
Life rarely feels like the picture-perfect vision we once imagined. Many parents—just like me—step into adulthood hoping their hard work will lead to a home brimming with warmth, connection, and genuine joy. Yet reality often surprises us. Despite best intentions, some days end with fatigue, stretched nerves, and the question: “Is this all there is?” What if personal healing and stronger relationships aren’t just reserved for those who have it easy? What if fulfillment is accessible to anyone willing to look a little deeper—especially into the ways we bond, love, and parent?
Today, I want to explore attachment theory with insights from my conversation with Jessica Baum, a licensed psychotherapist and attachment theory expert. Whether you’re exhausted by family stress or simply seeking a richer sense of meaning, the lessons from our discussion may shift how you understand yourself, your family, and your journey toward real wellness.
Why Attachment Really Matters in Parenting and Wellness
Attachment isn’t just psychological jargon—it’s the foundation of how we connect to others and ourselves. From birth, the style of nurture we receive etches lasting patterns into our relationships, stress responses, and self-worth. Jessica shared:
"We are forming ourselves from womb to early on, and how much those early attachements literally shape our world...They influence every choice we make when we get older."
Parents are natural “anchors” for the emotional and neurological development of their children. If you’ve ever wondered why you overextend or get “triggered” by certain situations, chances are it relates back to those first relational lessons. And as Jessica explained, “When you really start to understand attachment on a deep level, it starts to make sense of all of that.”
Breaking Down Attachment Styles—And Why Self-Awareness Matters
Attachment theory breaks our childhood adaptation into four predominant styles: anxious, avoidant, disorganized (also known as fearful-avoidant), and secure. Each has distinct behaviors and survival mechanisms:
Anxious Attachment: Often marked by unpredictability and a tendency to sacrifice personal needs to keep peace, these individuals are hyper-attuned to others—sometimes at the cost of themselves.
Avoidant Attachment: Characterized by independence and discomfort with vulnerability. “Later, these individuals show up as really independent, struggle with vulnerability,” Jessica described.
Disorganized/Fearful-Avoidant: This is born of extreme neglect or danger, creating a tangled push-pull between seeking closeness and fearing it.
Secure Attachment: Not perfect, but marked by easier emotional regulation, comfort with intimacy, and the ability to navigate space and reunion.
Recognizing your own pattern isn’t about judgment. Instead, it’s the start of compassionate self-awareness. Our early adaptations may help us survive, but they can also plant the seeds of later relationship challenges, parental stress, or feelings of emptiness.
The Good News: Healing and Change Really Are Possible
Many clients (and podcast listeners) ask, “Okay, I know my attachment style—now what?” Is it possible to experience more secure relationships, calm, and fulfillment, even if your childhood set you up otherwise?
Jessica’s answer was clear: “It’s never too late. The thing that we learn about brain science is that neuroplasticity is happening throughout our lives.”
Repair and connection are not reserved for a lucky few.
Self-awareness and emotional safety facilitate healing, whether with a therapist, trusted partner, or safe friend.
Parents can always work toward creating secure relationships with their children—regardless of past mistakes.
As research psychologist Dr. Dan Siegel (author of Parenting from the Inside Out) reminds us:
" The most important predictor of a child's well-being is the parent's own self-understanding."
Taking Practical Steps Toward Healing—Beyond “Doing It All Right”
If you’re reading this, you’re likely someone who cares deeply—who wants to “do it right.” Yet perfectionism is neither necessary nor healthy. Instead, the path of fulfillment comes through honest, small steps:
Notice Your Sensations: When your body feels tense, anxious, or shut down—pay attention. These sensations are “implicit memory.” As Jessica illustrated,
“When your belly drops or tightens... your chest is tight... that’s implicit memory. We don’t store memory like movies when we’re little… We store memory as sensation.”Seek Safe Connection: Healing rarely happens solo. Find people who can hold space, listen, and attune to you without judgment or fixing. This might be a therapist, partner, or close friend. Secure connections help us rewrite old relational scripts.
Allow Repair to Happen: Whether you’re a parent longing to fix past missteps or an adult wishing for better bonds, know the repair process is always available. Jessica described it as “rupture and repair”—building trust by showing up, apologizing, and trying again.
Attend to What Awakens in You: Instead of labeling yourself as “triggered,” try the language of being “awakened.” This reframing transforms shame into possibility:
“Let’s change the word triggered to awakened. Every time I have this awakening, it’s a chance for me to attend to her differently.”Share Your Journey—With Yourself and Your Kids: Modeling vulnerability, curiosity, and repair for children teaches them resilience. It’s never too late to narrate your emotional experience or admit when you’re learning and growing.
Vulnerability Is a Superpower—Not a Weakness
One of my favorite moments from the episode was Jessica’s candid vulnerability about her own journey:
"Yes, I'm a professional...But even when you read my books, it's like I'm a human who has suffered a great geal. Through my suffering and learning, I just know so many other people are suffering in the ways that I have."
Therapists and parents alike benefit from acknowledging their own wounds, struggles, and evolving sense of identity. The myth of having it all figured out is not only isolating—it’s untrue. Healing is layered and nonlinear. Giving space for sadness, anger, grief, and moments of awakening sets a powerful example.
The Butterfly Effect: Healing Yourself Heals Your Relationships
Parenting, marriage, and even friendships shift as we do our own work. The more healing we experience and practice, the greater our capacity to hold emotion and offer compassionate presence to others. Jessica named this the “butterfly effect,” describing how one person’s growth positively ripples through families and relationships.
Here are some actionable ideas for fostering wellness and fulfillment in your daily life:
Slow Down and Invite Connection: Instead of powering through stress, pause and ask what you’re really feeling—and what your body is communicating.
Normalize Imperfection: Remind yourself and your loved ones that mistakes and emotional missteps are part of being human.
Practice “Anchor” Exercises: Use somatic tools like deep breathing, gentle touch, or mindful movement to support your body’s healing.
Encourage Repair, Not Perfection: When relationships hit rough patches, focus on repair rather than blame.
Seek Resources and Community: Follow trusted guides, read supportive books (Jessica’s “Safe” and “Anxiously Attached” are excellent), and engage with online communities dedicated to personal and family wellness.
Creating a Family Culture of Emotional Safety
Attachment theory teaches us that emotional safety is not about shielding our kids (or ourselves) from all harm. Instead, it’s about providing attunement, repair, and space for honest feelings.
“Our parents… tend to intergenerationally flow down through many factors,” Jessica noted. Recognizing these patterns empowers us to change them for future generations.
Encourage open conversation about emotions—even uncomfortable ones.
Affirm children and partners for expressing feelings, not just for “good” behavior.
Share your own growth process openly.
As psychiatrist Dr. Gabor Maté wrote:
"Safety is not the absence of threay. It is the presence of connection."
Confronting Resistance—And Finding Hope
Not everyone is ready for deep emotional work. Some may resist by focusing only on the positive, or minimizing childhood pain. Jessica described this as a “brilliant avoidant protector”—a totally understandable way to guard against vulnerability. Rather than pushing, we honor readiness:
" It's something we go to when we're ready and have the right support. And the information that I'm giving in my book is so that when you are ready to go there, you actually have a roadmap."
Wherever you are, whether grieving old loss or barely keeping up with household demands, your journey is valid.
Takeaways and Practical Tools
Here’s a quick recap of what you can practice today as a parent or adult seeking more fulfillment, mental health, and peace:
Track sensation and emotion, not just thoughts.
Seek out relationships that feel emotionally safe and supportive.
Allow repair, apology, and reevaluation to be part of your home (and self-talk).
Frame triggers as “awakenings” for compassion, not shame.
Use vulnerability as a guide, not as a sign of weakness.
Know that change is always possible—for you and your kids.
Real fulfillment grows by meeting our own needs—then sharing this peace with our families.
Conclusion: Fulfillment Isn’t Out of Reach—It’s Built Moment by Moment
Living your best life, despite exhaustion and chaos, isn’t reserved for the lucky few. It starts with honest self-awareness, gentle healing, and growing in compassion for yourself and your family. As Jessica Baum’s work illustrates and my own experience confirms, meaningful change is possible—regardless of what happened before.
The path to fulfillment is not fast or perfect. But every time you show up for yourself, attend to your body’s signals, and repair with those you love, you build something stronger and more lasting than fleeting happiness. You—and your loved ones—deserve a home filled with authentic connection, resilience, and hope.
If you want more support or have stories to share, come say hello at hello@fulfillmenttherapy.org, join our Facebook and Instagram communities @fulfillmenttherapy, and explore resources at fulfillmenttherapy.org.
Together, one moment at a time, we can create the lives and relationships we’ve always hoped for.
“We’ll transform exhaustion into strength, chaos into calm, and daily survival into a life you love. It really is possible!”
—Fulfillment Therapy Podcast
To learn more or share your story, reach out anytime. You are not alone, and every step toward connection matters.
hello@fulfillmenttherapy.org or visit fulfillmenttherapy.org.
This is your space to heal and flourish.
With Love,
Kendra
Join us on Fulfillment Therapy, where you'll find healing, wellness, and the tools needed to live a life you can't wait to wake up to. Together, we can create positive ripples of change and help others ignite their lives with lasting joy and fulfillment.
Thanks for reading and listening and shine boldly and brightly, my friends!
Connect with Kendra:🤗
ALL LINKS → https://linktr.ee/fulfillmenttherapy
Website → https://fulfillmenttherapy.org
Contact → hello@fulfillmenttherapy.org
Instagram → @fulfillmenttherapy
Facebook Community → http://bit.ly/fulfillmenttherapy
Facebook Group → Private FB Group
Schedule 1:1 Coaching → https://fulfillmenttherapy.org/1-on-1-coaching
Chat → 1-986-910-5172 *text questions & topic requests
Phone
(986) 910-5172
