Breaking Free: Healing Body Shame and Nurturing Self-Love
Hey my friends, today we're talking about the sensitive topics of body shame and eating disorders. I'm going to teach you how to recognize the signs of unhealthy relationships with food and support loved ones who might be struggling with this because I keep seeing this come up with my clients. If you want to begin your journey towards self-love and body acceptance for yourself and even your children, then tune in and learn how you can have greater happiness and confidence in your life.✨
Understanding Body Shame
Body shame and eating disorders are often misunderstood, but these issues really do affect individuals of all ages and backgrounds.
First and foremost, what is body shame? Body shame can have profound impacts on our mental and emotional well-being. Shame is so damaging, and that's a big part of having an unhealthy relationship with food. When we internalize those negative messages about our bodies, it can lead to feelings of worthlessness, inadequacy, and a disconnection from ourselves and others.
Recognizing Unhealthy Relationships with Food
So think about yourself right now. Do you feel like you have a relationship with food that is maybe different from some of your friends or family members? And are you wondering if maybe you have a greater problem than you might have initially realized? In several of my clients, I see obsessive calorie counting, frequent dieting, or using food as a coping mechanism for stress.
Dr. Anita Johnson, who wrote Eating in the Light of the Moon, said something that I really like: "Eating disorders are not just about food. They're about coping mechanisms for deeper emotional pain." This is really important to think about. I see this all the time when I'm talking to my clients. There is a deeper pain, like peeling the layers off of an onion, that gets to the core of what this is about.
Signs of Disordered Eating
Do you find that you are rigidly trying to control your diet? Is that all you want to talk about? Are you overly prideful about how you are restricting food? This comes in many different ways. And it's not necessarily like in the movies where you are throwing up after everything you eat. These are more severe cases.
I do think it's a good thing not to let the natural man control you and to have discipline when it comes to managing your appetites. But there's the other extreme of having such rigid control that that's all you think about, that you love to have that power and control over your body in a way where you see food as the enemy or you have an all-consuming relationship with food instead of it just being food.
Another good indication that there is a problem is if it is coping with deeper wounds. Do you find yourself going to food, restricting food, or doing those things when you're feeling shame, tired, angry, or lonely? Are you using food as a way to escape or cope with that pain? We all do that in small amounts, but if it's becoming something that is affecting your health—either your mental health or your physical health—it might be time to get help.
"Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change ."- Brene Brown
Cultivating a Healthy Relationship with Food
So how do you cultivate a healthy relationship with food? We can begin to heal our relationship with food and with our bodies through mindful eating. You've probably heard that term before. This involves paying attention to the sensory experience of eating without judgment.
Dr. Michael May, the author of Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat, says, "When we eat mindfully, we begin to trust our body's signals of hunger and fullness, leading to a more peaceful relationship with food." Are you able to do that? Do you have a peaceful relationship with food?
The Role of Parenting in Body Image
I think about this even just with my parenting. I know that I grew up with the mentality of eating everything on your plate, and I try to steer away from that more. But I do find that there are some things so ingrained in me that I don't even think about, like saying, "Don't waste your food," or other things that don't serve us because they are teaching us that we shouldn't be mindful. It's not teaching my children to trust their body's signals of hunger and fullness. So remember those things and think about how we were taught and change those scripts if they're not serving us.
We play a crucial role in shaping our children's body image and relationship with food. Dr. Alan Satter, an expert in pediatric nutrition, says, "When parents provide structure and support around meals, children learn to trust their internal hunger and fullness cues, leading to a healthier relationship with food." Again, it's important to recognize those internal cues, to be mindful and aware instead of just using food to cope or mindlessly eating.
Nurturing Self-Love and Body Acceptance
Self-love and body acceptance are journeys that require patience, compassion, and, more than anything, practice. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the field of self-compassion, says, "Self-compassion involves treating ourselves with the same kindness and care that we would offer to a good friend [or child]."
What would you say to a sweet little toddler who is feeling full or hungry? Would you shame them? No, you would offer them that tenderness, compassion, and validation. You would do the exact same thing for a best friend. So imagine that instead of the harsh response you might give yourself.
Embracing Imperfections
This is not going to happen overnight. It means embracing our imperfections, honoring our body's unique strengths and abilities, and even those little quirks. For example, I have broad shoulders and a wider rib cage. I have an athletic build and have often envied those petite people with narrow waists and shoulders. I could focus on how I am not that person I want to be, or like I have done over time, I've learned to appreciate how my specific body looks and the strengths it brings.
Remember, how you talk about yourself is often how your children learn to talk to themselves. If we are constantly trashing our physical appearance, how will our children talk about their own bodies?
Engaging in Nourishing Activities
To foster greater self-love, it's helpful to engage in activities that nourish our mind, body, and spirit. It could be anything from yoga to spending time in nature or doing some reflective journaling. It's getting a counselor, going to a support group, going to church—whatever helps you have greater self-love and change those scripts in your mind about being worthy or unworthy based on your body image.
Supporting Loved Ones with Eating Disorders
If you or a loved one is struggling with an eating disorder, I cannot stress enough the importance of professional support. Dr. Cynthia Bulik, a leading researcher in the field of eating disorders, says, "Recovery from an eating disorder is possible, but it requires a multi-faceted approach, including medical, nutritional, and psychological support." This is really important. I know sometimes there can be so much shame in getting help, and maybe you've even had people try to get you to get help, but this is something that requires multiple facets of help to heal.
If you want to support someone you love, remember that your role is to provide encouragement, empathy, and understanding. That's it. You can't change them. You can't force them. But you can express your concern in a loving and non-judgmental way, offering to help them find professional help and resources. One of the most important things is to never shame someone for this. That will make it worse.
Finding Peace and Empowerment
This journey towards healing body shame and fostering self-love is unique for everyone. It's a journey that requires patience, self-compassion, and support. Remember that your worth is not determined by your appearance. Dr. Jennifer Rollin says, "Recovery is not about getting to a certain weight or size. It's about finding peace and freedom in your relationship with food and your body." Again, think about your body and your relationship with food. Do you have peace and freedom, or are you still struggling?
Conclusion
Let's begin to embrace our bodies with love and acceptance, and treat ourselves with the kindness and compassion we deserve. This is an ongoing process, and there are going to be times when you fail. But like I mentioned before, recovery and change are not linear. They often go backward and forward. Just keep moving forward and do not give up. Celebrate those small victories.
Until next time, take care, and remember, you're beautiful and deserving of love just the way you are.
*Want to learn more? Check out our podcast episode on Self-Love below!
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