Am I Overreacting, or Is There Something He’s Not Telling Me?, with Dr. Roland Cochrun
Living your best life isn’t about perfection—it’s about connection. It’s about fostering relationships that are honest, supportive, and deeply fulfilling. But what happens when trust is broken? How do we rebuild when the foundation of a partnership or family feels shaken? In this blog, inspired by Episode 267 of Fulfillment Therapy, we’ll explore the complexities of healing after betrayal, the role of mental health in family wellness, and how intentional parenting can create a legacy of trust and resilience.
As Dr. Roland Cochrane, guest on the episode and founder of The Successful Addict, puts it: “The past is dead… but if both partners are willing to do the work, the marriage can become stronger than ever before.” His story, though deeply personal, offers universal lessons about redemption, understanding, and the hard work required to rebuild trust.
The Impact of Deception on Relationships
Betrayal in a relationship—especially through compulsive or deceptive sexual behavior—can feel like an earthquake. It shakes everything you thought you knew about your partner and your relationship. As Dr. Cochrane explained, “When you find out that information… it changes you forever.” This is not just a momentary pain; it’s a shift in how one views their partner, their marriage, and even themselves.
For many women (and men) who experience betrayal, the immediate reaction is self-blame:
"Am I not enough? Am I too old? Too boring?"
But as Dr. Cochrane emphasized during the episode, these feelings often stem from societal narratives rather than reality. The truth is that compulsive behaviors are rarely about the betrayed partner—they’re often rooted in deeper issues like childhood trauma or societal pressures.
This doesn’t mean the pain isn’t real or valid. It simply means that healing requires looking beyond blame to understand the root causes of these behaviors.
Hope After Betrayal: Is Healing Possible?
One of the most powerful messages from this episode is that healing is possible—even after deep betrayal. Dr. Cochrane shared his own journey of recovery after disclosing years of deceptive behavior to his wife—a process he described as both humiliating and transformative. He noted that many men who engage in these behaviors are not proud of them:
"Guys don't want to do these things... they've often already tried to stop before they get caught."
For couples willing to do the work, there’s hope. Research shows that couples who navigate these challenges together often emerge stronger than ever before. But it’s not easy—it requires years of effort, professional support, and a commitment to rebuilding trust one step at a time.
Dr. Cochrane explained that recovery is not linear: “The first year and a half, the guy will do anything to make amends… but by year two or three, both partners can feel tapped out.” Patience and persistence are essential for both parties.
Parenting with Intention: Preventing Future Harm
A recurring theme in this episode was the role of parenting in shaping children’s future relationships. Dr. Cochrane highlighted two key factors that contribute to compulsive behaviors later in life:
Lack of Attunement: Children who feel unseen or unheard by their parents are more likely to seek external validation in unhealthy ways as adults.
Oversexualized Culture: From mainstream media to social platforms like OnlyFans or AI-generated content, children are inundated with messages that objectify women and glorify unhealthy sexual dynamics.
To counteract these influences, parents must be intentional about how they interact with their children. Dr. Cochrane shared a poignant story about his five-year-old daughter: “She struck a pose after getting dressed up for a party… and I realized how much my admiration for her appearance could shape her future self-worth.” This realization led him to focus on affirming her inner qualities—her creativity, kindness, and curiosity—rather than just her outward appearance.
Breaking Free from Process Addictions
One of the most enlightening parts of this episode was Dr. Cochrane’s discussion on process addictions—compulsive behaviors like workaholism, social media use, or pornography consumption that provide short-term relief but long-term harm. He emphasized that these behaviors are often coping mechanisms for deeper emotional wounds:
"We all have our thing... whether it's sugar or Instagram or something else."
The key to overcoming these addictions lies in understanding their root causes and addressing them with empathy rather than shame. Dr. Cochrane advocates for focusing on legacy—how our actions today shape the world we leave behind for our children: “Sobriety comes when you realize your actions are contributing to a worse world for your daughters—or a better one.”
Healing as a Couple: Practical Steps
If you or your partner are struggling with compulsive behaviors or betrayal trauma, here are some first steps based on Dr. Cochrane’s advice:
Educate Yourself: Listen to podcasts or read books about sex addiction and betrayal trauma to better understand what you’re facing.
Seek Professional Help: Certified sex addiction therapists (CSATs) can provide specialized guidance for both individuals and couples.
Focus on Connection: Healing requires rebuilding emotional intimacy through open communication, empathy, and shared goals.
Be Patient: Recovery takes time—often three to five years or more—and requires consistent effort from both partners.
Changing Cultural Narratives Around Sexuality
One of the broader takeaways from this episode is the need for cultural change around sexuality and relationships. From unrealistic portrayals in movies like James Bond to the normalization of pornography use, society sends harmful messages about what it means to be successful or desirable.
Dr. Cochrane challenged listeners to question these narratives: “
"Why are we producing young men who grow up believing they need money and women's admiration to be respected?"
He argued that true fulfillment comes not from external validation but from living authentically and contributing positively to others’ lives.
Conclusion: Building a Legacy of Trust
Living your best life starts with living authentically—embracing both your strengths and your struggles while striving for deeper connection with those around you. Whether you’re healing from betrayal or working to prevent future harm through intentional parenting, remember that progress is possible one step at a time.
As Eleanor Roosevelt once said:
"The purpose of life is to live it...to reach out eagerly...for newer experiences."
Let this be your guiding principle as you navigate challenges within your family and relationships—knowing that every effort you make today helps build a stronger foundation for tomorrow. By fostering open communication, prioritizing mental health, and challenging harmful cultural norms, we can create families—and communities—that thrive together in trust and fulfillment.
Join us on Fulfillment Therapy, where you'll find healing, wellness, and the tools needed to live a life you can't wait to wake up to. Together, we can create positive ripples of change and help others ignite their lives with lasting joy and fulfillment.
Thanks for reading and listening and shine boldly and brightly, my friends!
*Listen to our podcast episode 267 / Am I Overreacting, or Is There Something He's Not Telling Me?
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